True Mommyhood Stories

Note to Self: Rocks are Dry Clean Only

2010-07-31T18:37:00.002-04:00

The real fun starts at the 57 second mark.

The Charlotte Skyline

2010-07-31T17:18:00.000-04:00

Yesterday evening, the girls and I drove to the QC to make some pictures of the Charlotte skyline. Before we left home, I googled "the best places to photograph the Charlotte skyline." I got bombarded with results and decided to visit the top 4. Google didn't tell me we would have to trespass on private property at three of the locations to get decent shots. Cassidy actually made all the pictures while I kept the get away car in drive. I'm also adding a few random shots we made along the way. If you live near Charlotte, this is great way to spend an evening.

This Video is NOT Funny

2010-07-29T08:11:00.000-04:00

So, why do I roll on the floor and laugh my ass off everytime I watch it?

Happy Endings

2010-07-26T03:44:00.000-04:00

My bitch sister has her own tanning salon. Last week while I was there, I got bored so I started taking pictures of everything. I became fascinated with the names of the tanning lotions. Some of them had me rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. Here are a few examples (my personal favorites are, Take Olive of Me and Free for All) :

Me: "Christy should start doing massages in the back of the salon, she could use these lotions."

Cassidy: "Yeah, massages with happy endings."

How to Be a Creepy Stalker By: Lionel Richie

2010-07-24T14:21:00.001-04:00

Riding Shotgun

2010-07-22T14:49:00.000-04:00

Riding Shotgun: Earning the right to ride in the front passenger seat of someones car. This is also the direct opposite of "riding bitch," where you are sitting center-backseat, sandwiched by your friends. It is "shotgun"'s responsibility for controlling the car temperature, changing radio stations, and calling out landmarks. Variations to "calling shotgun" can include paper/rock/scissors, coin flip, or being the first to yell "shotgun" when the driver pulls their car keys out of their pocket. Seniority rarely means anything when calling shotgun.

Urban Dictionary

I Can't Think of a Title for This Post 2

2010-07-18T05:24:00.001-04:00

When I Get Bored, I....

2010-07-17T13:21:00.000-04:00

go to Walmart. Cassidy and I intentionally sit in the car after shopping in order to people watch. It's a game to us. We like to out-do one another with who can spot the "best dressed". There's also a category for largest muffin top and best ass crack exposure. We're like kids in a candy store if we can get close enough to actually take a picture of some jacked up hair-do. Some of the shit people wear never cease to nauseate me. My personal favorite are the graphic t-shirts. Below, I am posting a few examples:

Cassidy's been at my bitch sister's for the summer so I am left with going to Walmart with the babies. Today, we had to go to the dreaded toy department for play-doh. While there, I was surprised by some of the items they were selling to little children. Take this "barbie doll" for instance. She looks like a high dollar male cross-dressing prostitute:

This tote bag was hanging next to the barbie ho' dolls. It looks like an advertisement for a gentlemen's club:

This doll scared the shit out of me. I nearly bought her for Cassidy so she could give her a mullet.

A Video Parody of Me on a Diet

2010-07-14T09:01:00.000-04:00

Restricted in Size By Comparison

2010-07-13T11:40:00.000-04:00

The Discovery Place, Charlotte N.C.

2010-07-10T21:19:00.002-04:00

Put this museum at the top of your list of places to visit this week!

On Friday, some of my friends from work and I met up at the Discovery Place to check out the new additions and renovations. Instead of trying to describe in detail how wonderful it is, I am posting some pictures so you can see for yourself. My kids loved it there and when it was time to leave, the usual "its time to go home" bribes didn't work. They thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

Facepalm

2010-07-09T05:35:00.003-04:00

I researched the legitimacy of this ~~barf~~ PBJ in a can because I thought it was someones idea of funny. Well Internet, it fo' real. Its a sandwich in a can and it was created for your on-the-go family. My first thought was....someone tossed a real PBJ sandwich into a food processor, added a half cup of milk and hit the puree button. I imagine it must look a lot like blended intestines.

Here I Am Taking My Own Picture

2010-07-07T01:06:00.000-04:00

Made From Scratch Mini Cupcakes

2010-07-05T07:35:00.003-04:00

Attention Internet, Get to Know Your Fire Extinguishers

2010-07-04T16:09:00.000-04:00

Moneybags grew up in a tiny village in Africa. He has an amazing rags to riches story that I have to listen to at least once a week. Because of his upbringing, he insists on buying everything in three's. Take this fire extinguisher for instance. He came home with a whole shitload of these one day. I bitched about it because he wanted to mount them in every room. I won the battle and we stored them in the laundry room.

Last winter, Remi tried to burn the house down by throwing a roll of paper towels into the gas fireplace. I was in the bathroom and she calmly came to me and said, "the paper towels are burning." I grab one of the fire extinguishers and read the instructions (for the first time). WTF? Seriously, there's like eleven steps to this shit. I followed the instructions perfectly, and the little bastard prematurely blasted white dust all over the kitchen. By this time, the paper towel fire had nearly contained itself. Determined to put out the fire that didn't exist anymore, I grab another extinguisher. This time, it worked but not without spraying more ~~cocaine~~ white powder all over the family room. Please internet, learn from my mistake. Get know your fire extinguishers on a personal level.

The Best Happy Meal Toys EVAH!

2010-07-04T07:25:00.000-04:00

Nickelodeon's Storytime Live at the Belk Theater

2010-07-02T20:10:00.000-04:00

A Message From Queen Latifah About Domestic Violence

2010-07-02T09:39:00.000-04:00

*Warning*
Ms. Latifah says Bitch and Ho' about 100 times during the video.
Parental guidance suggested.

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

2010-06-30T12:16:00.000-04:00

I have no idea what they're saying to each other in this video. They both speak Baby Pig Latin fluently.

Uptown Charlotte Is....

2010-06-28T04:52:00.001-04:00

a photogenic wonderland where the possibilities are practically endless.

Skyscrapers and glorious architecture euphorically mesmerize me.

And Clap!

2010-06-26T15:37:00.001-04:00

Diane Horner's

Country Hip Hop

Diane's bowl haircut is the best thing that's happened to me all week.

Bubbles Are.........

2010-06-26T13:32:00.000-04:00

Weightless

Graceful

and

Full of Potential

TGIF

2010-06-25T10:25:00.000-04:00

Farmer's Market Finds

2010-06-24T20:58:00.003-04:00

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

2010-06-23T21:24:00.000-04:00

One of these things is not like the other.